Surf A Left

Ok confession time….Im a sucker for a good ole Pinterest quote every now and then, and that one seemed to accurately describe my life recently so I couldn’t help myself.

Alright, enough stalling…..let’s get real.

 

The past few months have been quite the struggle for me. I moved away from my family, from home, and from everything I knew, to a place that I really wasn’t even sure I wanted to be at.

Let’s rewind a bit….I sat in my room during my junior year of high school wondering what the heck I should do with the rest of my life. I prayed and prayed and I finally got the whole career thing figured out, but college was still a crazy unknown area for me. All my plans for my life changed drastically when we moved across the country, and my goals and dreams changed a lot during this time as well. So when I say I had no clue where I wanted to go I mean I had NO CLUE where I wanted to go.

I started researching and made a list of about 2o schools that had my major and went from there. I started considering more factors in my search, and got my list down quite a bit. I toured the schools that were my last few options and of all the schools I toured I liked ONE. ONE!! And guess what….that isn’t the school I chose to go to. Now you’re probably thinking that was a really stupid decision (and I wouldn’t completely disagree with you there). But hey life happens, ya know?

I toured the schools, fell in love with one, and was ready to leave the others the second I finished the campus tour. But I was so conflicted. There were so many things to consider when thinking about where I would spend the next four years of my life, so I took some time and prayed about it. I put so much pressure on myself to choose the school that God had for me that I lost sight of the importance of quieting my voice in order to listen to what He had to say. I chose the school that I thought would be the most comfortable for me. People who think like me, professors that believe what I believe, and rules in line with my values. Not bad things necessarily, but God wasn’t calling me to what was comfortable, even if that meant surrounding myself with Christians a lot like myself.

About half way into the summer I realized what I’d done and I FREAKED. What do I do know? It’s too late I thought, I just have to make the best of this, and who knows a lot of good could come from this. I started school early this fall and I’ve had my share of really really good moments. I met people whom I love dearly, I think I go to bed laughing my head off nearly every night, and I have consumed more pizza rolls than I ever thought possible. So there is a lot of good that has come from me choosing comfort, but man there have been countless days that have been less than stellar for sure.

Needless to say the past few months have not played out to be what I hoped and prayed for. What I wanted to get out of school, and my time at school was not what I was getting and I have had plenty of days that have been a struggle. I always try really hard to see the good in everything, but as the end of September rolled around, fighting to be happy everyday started to really weigh on me. I took the idea of “trying to make the best of things” a little too far and tried to convince myself and the people around me that things were fine, but things were far from fine.

I truthfully felt worse than Id ever felt before. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to love it, but I knew deep down this wasn’t for me.I craved something more. I wanted a challenge. I wanted to stand for what I believed in and I wanted that to be a choice I made for myself, even when it wasn’t the popular thing to do. I wanted something more than this comfortable life I was living everyday. I thought the comfortable choice meant easy, and I thought that would make me happy.Well that proved to be far from the truth, and while I kept trying to convince myself that things would change and I would end up loving my choice, I knew deep down that was far from the truth. I heard the still small voice telling me to go, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, so I ignored it.

Spoiler alert…… I finally stopped running. He was clearly telling me this wasn’t what He had for me. He was calling me deeper and this time I was NOT ignoring the call. So yes, in the next few months I will be taking some big steps of faith, eating lots of pizza rolls, making some changes, and trusting God as He calls me waaaay out of my comfort zone. Stay tuned….cause this story isn’t over and I think God has some pretty cool things in store for this next chapter. But first…..

 

Here’s what 11 weeks of life not going as planned has taught me :

1.When God Tells You To Go…..You Should GO!!

Honestly….just do it.

2.Don’t Hide Your Feelings 

Be honest with your self first, and then be honest with others. Despite what the world may say, it really is okay to not be okay. We are going to have bad days, we are going to struggle, and we are going to need others to help us through the rough times, so stop trying to convince yourself- and others that things are fine. Be open and willing to be real about how you’re feeling. I promise you won’t regret it.

3. Don’t Choose Comfort

Please Please Please…if there is one thing you get from this post let it be this…… NEVER EVER EVER make a decision because its the easy thing to do. I mean it! Please take my past three months as an example, that it really is not worth it. Settling for the easy path will leave you empty and wanting more. God never said a life following him was going to be easy. We were not put on this earth to get caught up in the pursuit of comfort. So go ahead and take a few risks.

4. Don’t Try to Fix Things

At least not right away. Now I’m not saying sit there and do nothing for weeks, but go to God first. Seek Him in prayer, listen for His voice, and then when He calls you to take a step, be willing to take that step in faith.

5.Listen

Talking to God is important, but its the listening part that is really what counts. Invest a healthy amount of time into getting alone with God and simply listening to what He has to tell you.

6. Remind Yourself Its Never Too Late 

You might think you are stuck in this decision that you’ve made, but trust me….you aren’t. Take a step, and then another, and I promise slowly but surely you will get yourself to where you need to be. It starts with that first step.

7.Dont Be Too Hard On Yourself

You are going to make mistakes. You are going to make some wrong decisions, and that’s okay!

 

Xx